if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
