that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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