we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Randomize
