can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
