I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
