the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
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