my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
