dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
