I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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