he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
