Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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