Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
