I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
