Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
