8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just forgot I was standing up.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
