Your face is a jimmy john
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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