he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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