Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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