Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
