I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
