too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
