somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
