You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
