I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
