Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Do you remember whose house we're in?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
