i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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