Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
