I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
