get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
