got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
