have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
