Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
