I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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