How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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