I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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