I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
