I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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