Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
