I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
