You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
