ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
