i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
