There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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