My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Bang-toberfest begins!!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
