i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
