Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
