I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
