I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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