You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
