i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
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