Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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