you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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